Quite different in his head
by Mixio
Summary: Steve is in love with Tony. Shamely, he doesn't thinks the same... or does he? / Some Pepperoni mentioned, but not shown.
1. You get me

Hey guys! So, Superhusbands just may or may not have taken over my life, so I'm here with this small thing. Just a warning: It's heartbreaking. **  
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**Disclaimer:** This drabble was actually an Omegle roleplay, but it was so good I couldn't get it outta my head for days so I added a few things and decided to turn it into a small drabble. That being said, only about half the credit goes for me. And nor me or my partner own anything other than the so called plot.

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Steve went quietly downstairs, knowing that Tony was probably working and that he hated being interrupted, but he had barely left the workshop in the last week and Steve just felt like checking on him, no matter how much Pepper would reassure him that Tony was still alive down there. Well, something had to be, since he saw a couple of plates going back to the kitchen, empty.

But better make sure.

When he was allowed view on Tony, he was giving his back to the stairs, humming to the music that was filling the room as he worked presumably with part of his armor. Out of a sudden, Steve wasn't feeling as worried as he was moments before and he decided to go back upstairs before being noticed, but it was too late. As soon as he scaled a step, he heard his voice  
"What's up, bottle boy?"

"U-uh?" he was totally caught by surprise and almost slipped from the step he was standing, so he had to hold to the rail "How did you  
know I was here?" he frowned confused, even if it was Tony-typical to know it all.

"JARVIS" he said, turning down the music with what seemed like a crystal remote with a blue light.

"How could-" he stopped before ending the phrase because he noticed there was no longer a reason to speak as loudly as he had been doing it "How could he? I didn't hear it" he said, finally going down the rest of the stairs and staring back at him with a crooked eyebrow, but Tony limited to show him the crystal remote and say something about a silent alarm when being interrupted. Steve rolled his eyes 'Dammit, Jarvis' was his exact thought

"I'm sorry am I bothering you?" he gestured to the stairs "I can leave if you want"

"I can take a pause" he said, spinning on the chair to fully face him "What's up?"

"Good" he approached his desk, curious about whatever he was doing and deliberately ignoring his question "What are you even working at? It's three in the morning"

"My thrusters" Tony explained

"Is something wrong with them?"

"No, I just want them to be more energy efficient"

More. Steve reckoned that was a common word in Tony Stark's vocabulary  
"More, more" he hummed, leaning part of his weigh in the edge of the desk right beside him "Why are you always wanting /more/, Stark? Like, about everything"

"Because I can do things better, I'm still not perfect," Tony shrugged.

He smiled "No one is" he added casually.

"You remember my Dad? He's been dead for years and he still takes me to school"

"Oh" murmured the blond, biting his lip. There was a certain amount of not-so-well-hidden sadness in Tony's voice that made his own chest wrench somehow. If only he could ease that one for him "He was a smart guy, I bet he knew no one can be entirely perfect..." was all he managed to say

"He was a crap Dad... but he was my idol as far as an engineer," Tony told him

"I don't think that means you need to stay here for days" he searched for his eyes to meet him "I mean, sure, the man was good at what he did but… you're the better man. You're using your skills for honorable reasons" that was the problem wasn't it? The fact that Tony felt like living under Howard's shadow the whole time.

"I'm just used to staying up at odd hours. Pepper despairs of my habits" Tony smiled fondly. Pepper was a work-a-holic herself, so she mostly just complained when he hadn't slept in three days at all or something along those lines.

"Ah, right... Ms. Pepper" he sighed ever so slightly when pronouncing the name. There was a way Tony's eyes brighten when talking about the lady that just shouldn't have a reason to bother Steve. But it did. "Well, if that's what you do. 'Style', I remember now" he said and shrugged, recalling their fight over him looking through SHIELD's secret archives

"It's what keeps thousands of people employed," Tony answered.

He hissed a laugh "Is it?"

"Yep, Stark Industries."

"Yeah but how does that has to do with your style?" was Cap's skeptical answer

"Style sells" Tony looked around, and scooped up a magazine that Pepper had left here a while ago. He tosses it towards Steve. He was in the cover, with a headline about Stark Industries being the best place to work after University.

"Nice" he says, looking at the magazine right before smirking at him "I'll add that to the thing's that I've missed list. It's getting longer and longer..."

"Have you been working on the films list? Skip Saving Private Ryan. Or punch whoever tries to make you watch it in the nuts" he suggested.

"Should I? Why's that?" he said, his expression saying he could kind of guess the answer.

"It's rather realistic for World War two. Opens on the Normandy invasion"

Steve made a disgust face "Ugh, why would anyone do movies about that?" he shook his head "You're right, I don't want to watch. Been there, done that... sort of." He allowed himself to get lost into his thoughts for a moment "Yeah, I think I'll pass on everything about war" he said, by some reason entitled to drive by memory lane, which was obvious since his voice lacked any of the joy it had just moments ago

"S'what I figured."

They remained silent for a while, at least until Tony came out with an idea "Do you want to sketch? Dad said you were pretty good" He got up, looking for something in the messy desk "I've got a sketch pad here, somewhere" He occasionally used it when he was doing something he didn't want stored in a computer. Steve shook his head once again before the memories went too real. He was already almost able to smell the blood and gunpowder "Did he?" he took the notepad, but shrugged "I dunno, haven't done it in a while. And there's nothing to sketch in here... unless you'd like a portrait" he smirked, somewhat delighted with the idea of drawing him...

"Do whatever you want" Tony said.

Rogers shrugged, sitting on the desk and finding a comfy position to get on the work, tilting his head to one side and the other once he did so he would find now a nice angle... but it was a hard choice since they were /all/ nice. "So uhm... how are things with Pepper going?" yeah, it still sounded bitter. He mentally noted that he had to practice saying her name without emotion on his voice before Stark noticed something was off with him.

"Wonderful," Tony was happily oblivious. "We're talking about adding her name to the lease."

Steve was already sketching. "Oh, are you?" well, at least that one did actually have no emotion, but not for the right reasons of course.

"I don't know" he admitted, getting lost in his own thoughts and silent for a while "What do you think about marriage? You're old fashioned right?" Tony asked.

Steve paused his work. There was that wrench in his chest once again, however, he tried to give no signal of it aside closing his eyes for a moment the second it started "... If you love someone I'd say it's the right call" what was he even saying? Pft "But you my friend are the last person in the world I expect to consider that..." he glanced in his direction, if not yet going back to the sketch.

"I never thought I would," Tony admitted.

He nodded "But Pepper made you do so, uh?" he went back to the sketch to distract himself, since he was already asking questions he didn't really wanted to know the answer for

"She's... I don't know," Tony shrugged sheepishly. "She gets me."

"Some people are supposed to have that ability" he smirked a little bit, looking at him from behind the notepad "So... are you proposing?"

"I'm thinking of it" he mumbled

Steve sighed "You love the lady, no wonder if she loves you, I don't see what's stopping you" his laugh sounded rather bitter but it was a laugh, after all "I'm sure Thor'd love to experience an Earth wedding"

"That sounds fun" he grinned, somewhat imagining the Asgardian' expression.

But Steve couldn't relate to the fun because, maybe for a moment, he had stupidly hopped Tony went by saying that what was stopping him was that he had feelings for someone else, but sure he didn't, and Steve just felt bad about had encouraged him "Don't take a decision like that airily" ... and yet, taking back what he had said earlier made him feel worse.

"I don't take any decision lightly."

"Yeah, you're not an impulsive man at all Stark" One thing he hadn't miss was sarcasm, it never gets old.

"Not about these things," Tony agreed

"How can you know? You've never consider that before, remember?" he hissed a laugh

"Which should tell you something"

Cap's eyes rolled "Right, fine, I'm sorry" he got up from the desk handing him the pad "There you go". It was a remarkable piece for art and he didn't said it so because he did it, but because who appeared on it. Maybe the conversation made him work harder on that one...

"Thanks," Tony smiled. "I'm hanging it up in here."

"Early wedding gift" he said smiling... sort of "It's good to know there's someone out there than can actually make you happy, you know?"

"You'll find someone, Cap" Tony said comfortingly.

Steve's smile went kaput "Yeah, I don't think that's possible anymore"

"That's a pity"

"Yeah, I know... for me at least" he shrugged "But hey, it's fine, I've managed finding myself basically in another /era/ ... I think I can pretty much handle anything" or at least he hoped it was true.

He gave him a side smirk "I've got a few friends…?" he offered, although it almost sounded like a question.

Steve laughed at himself "That obvious, uh?"

"Just a little"

Steve shook his head, his cheeks went ruddy in matter of seconds, but at least Tony seemed comprehensive about it "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't—" he didn't even bothered in saying the rest

"It's okay" they stared at each other for a few seconds "I have a friend, Rhodey?" Tony had no idea what to say to make it up for Steve

"I'm not gay, Stark" he shrugged once again "It's you. You just... /get/ me" he said with a smirk, recycling his words.

"huh?" Tony looks at him confused. He totally understood what Steve said, but again, he didn't knew what to answer.

"What?" Steve figured he just shouldn't make it even more awkward for him "No, You know what? Forget about it I— it's almost five, it's the slumber talking" then he headed towards the stairs

"Okay," Tony shugged. He had weird teammates. But half the stair up, when he was just no longer at Tony's sight he had to make a pause. The whole telling-Tony-how-I-feel went different in his head. Quite a lot. He growled, still feeling that constriction in his chest and punched the wall trying to get rid of it. He had to pull his fist out of the hole in the wall but Steve couldn't care less about Tony's precious building's wall, or if anyone hear the smash and went there asking question. He had to punch something away and the punching bag wouldn't be anything close to enough.

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Ugh, my feelings. Sorry for the angst guys it just had to be done. If you want me to, I can continue it and actually make it Steve/Tony.  
Now, go read some fluff so I don't feel that bad.  
Thanks for reading anyway!  
Küsses  
Mixio.


	2. Because I don't want to

Well, since everyone was asking for Tony's view on the matter, here it is. I'm sorry if this is crap, but I kinda liked how it turned out. Also, bit of mixed universes but nothing too alarming I think. I just included Happy to our ecuation.

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Going up the stairs when sunlight was already filling the workshop, Tony stopped to analyze a hole in the wall that had not been there when he went downstairs that night. His fingertips brushed the border, making a few more crumbs fall to the floor; then he examined his hand while curling it into a fist, and then it clicked. Steve.  
He had watched him go and stood there filled with a strange sensation. He couldn't name what he felt but then again, he wasn't much in touch with feelings, at least not enough to know.

Had Captain America just accepted to have some sort of a crush on him?

Tony blinked many times, but then, unable to answer to himself he decided to ignore it.

As he decided to ignore how Steve was avoiding him, or anyone for that matter. He did fine not knowing so he just ignored it plain and simple. It wasn't until Pepper mentioned it when he learned that he knew. She joined him downstairs where he had spent the past two hours trying to figure out a code that should be easy for an eight years old, but somehow it was resisting to him, and he couldn't go on with the security code in the tower if he didn't had that bit.

Dammit.

"Phil would have liked to come over and fill in with the tower' arrangements"  
"Who?"  
"Coulson"  
"Oh, yeah. Tell him I'll be there"  
Pepper sighed, knowing he wasn't listening at anything she said, or he would know she was only talking assumptions for obvious reasons.  
"Tony is everything okay?"  
"Uh? Yes. Why?"  
Tony barely shifted his eyes from the computed to glance at her.  
"You're distracted"  
"I'm not"  
"Yes you are" She paused, biting her lip "Does it has anything to do with Steve?"  
"What?"  
"Captain"  
"I know who Steve is, Ms. Potts".  
He eyed her like she was dumb, and she rolled her eyes. She didn't knew whit this man anymore  
"Well, he hasn't popped out his floor for like three days, and there's a hole in the stairs' wall "  
She made it sound like a very dramatical disaster.  
"I don't see the connection" He frowned  
"The connection is that you haven't noticed. See? Distracted"  
"I saw the wall. How am I supposed to know about Steve?"  
She smiled warmly, looking up at him  
"You're always watching him."  
"I'm not"

He did, Pepper knew that. Somehow, he always knew at what time did he get up, if he had have coffee certain morning, or where he was, or how he liked his bagel without ever asking. But it was only Steve, always Steve.

"What did you do to the poor guy this time, Tony?"  
"What do you immediately suppose it was me?"

Now it was her turn to look at him like he was a newborn. He smirked, letting her know he wasn't even fooling himself. Tony Stark had many virtues, but he was also very flawed, and that was actually being gentle. He was really fucked up. Finally, he gave up with the computer and dropped in the chair, looking up at her just for a second when she walked towards him just to rest her hips on the desk just as Steve had done that night.

"I told him I was going to propose to you"  
"Uh?" she blinked, utterly alarmed "But Tony, me and Happy—"  
"I know. I didn't _mean_ it"  
"Then why did—… wait, how did that made him mad at you?"

Tony sighed, unsure of what to say. Had everything gone as he thought it did? Every time he thought about that night it confused him even more, so he avoided the subject even in his mind.

"I don't know. He was here the other night, asking how was it going between you and me" he watched her smirk comprehensively "I told him I added you to the lease, and then I… you just told me about you and Happy, so I asked his opinion about marriage and…" he shrugged "He thought I was going to propose you and I didn't say otherwise…" Tony looked up to meet her blue eyes, feeling odd for what he was about to say "And he said he was glad that you were the one to make me happy. He didn't look any happy."

Tony looked down at his feet again. Oh god, the expression on his face…. He couldn't get it outta his head. It's basically what blow the whistle. He didn't needed to say it. Pepper got it right away. She was that smart.

"Oh" she murmured "Oh" she said it again with a note of surprise, thinking exactly what he thought when he saw him "What did you say?" she demanded, almost accusatory.

"I told him I had friends" he smiled amused

"Tony!" now she was being accusatory and he didn't liked that not even a little bit

"What?"

"… Do you love me?"

"You know I do" he frowned. Did she miss the whole point or…

"That tell me the truth" she required, looking at him with the serious ways she used to deal with him when he was being a clod "…What do you feel for Cap?"

"What?" What did she meant with that? Was that even a question? Well, a part of him knew it was a question but it didn't felt like a legitimate question and it drive him nuts immediately

"Do you love Steve?"

"No!" he bit his lip. The reply came out too harsh and it tasted bitter in his mouth, like gall. But she looked at him with a softened expression, tilting her head to get a better look on him "Why not?"

There was this long silence that made her think he wasn't answering. The blonde took a sep towards the stairs to leave him alone, but then he spoke, ever so softly.

"Nothing to be scared of"

Tony looked up for a second again, but he couldn't bare Pepper's look, so he went back to his examination of the floor and sighed. Why would he still pretend he fooled anyone? He knew there was a reason for the emptiness he felt that night after Steve left, the fact that he couldn't get him out of his head, or the bitter taste in his mouth when answered her question. But he didn't wanted to know that reason because thinking about it was the scariest thing he ever felt and Tony Stark didn't do fear. He avoided it if he had to, but he didn't feel it.

"Are you scared because you're in love?" There was tenderness in her voice and she squatted to look into his eyes, placing a hand over his shoulder

"No" he sighed "…Because I don't want to"

And when he looked at her, all his fear was written in his face like it does in a little kid's after a nightmare.

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Wadayya think? Should I make another chapter or what? ;)

Küsses!


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